fretter vs. regretter

oakparkmastermind and thatnotsofreshfeeling linked me, which is pretty awesome 'cause i totally dig both of their blogs. so thanks, you two.

do you ever get so happy about things that it almost hurts, a little? because you feel like you can't hold it all because one body isn't big enough to hold it all. things were just right today. one of those rare days where the universe functions precisely according to specification and surpasses all expectation.

i had a meeting with the associate director of a research institute affiliated with berkeley. this institute houses the research that i would like to work on if i manage to get accepted into the grad program. they don't take volunteers, it's just not done, she explained to me the reasons. but that said...i think she is going to create a project for me, under the aegis of another project which is headed by one of the great minds of the field.

i mean, this is crazy, i can't even tell you. i can't explain why this should be happening, a dozen people have told me "no they don't have opportunities like that" and now one is possibly being created for me. i have a connection to her through a friend-of-a-friend who must have really put himself on the line here. she (associate director) said "i think someone with your background would be perfect for this." my background? a bachelor's in cs, some random programming jobs, and a summer class in cognitive linguistics. my background is nothing special.

maybe it's true what my professor told me in her office late one afternoon last month: it's a matter of convincing them that you already are on the inside track. you probably won't get there unless you can make them believe that you are already there.

i was talking about all this with a friend of mine (i had a crush on his mind for about two minutes and have since decided not to think about all of that just now) and fretting about what-next and what if it doesn't work out, etc. he says that i am a fretter and he is a regretter, and being a fretter is better 'cause at least you can do something about it still, when you're fretting. when you're regretting, it's already too late.

he said:
- i elevate regret to an art.
- or a science.
- i should write an essay, "the anatomy of regret" and lay it all bare.

this smacked a bit of the "i'm so deep and complex you could never possibly understand me" bullshit that i have lately learned to avoid. but he really doesn't seem like that type of person. on the contrary, he comes across as very low drama and straightforward.

everyone regrets things, i told him.
then we decided that the time wasn't right for that conversation.
but i will admit that i am curious.