every time i sit around i find i'm shot

yesterday drove a friend's car around doing errands & getting stuff for my trip to minnesota next week. mostly i had to get shorts. it struck me how funny that was, so i called and left a rambling crazy-assed message on my parents' machine. "so anyway i was just driving around thinking that everyone thinks of california as being sunny and warm, and minnesota as being snowy and cold. but in the bay area we don't ever really wear shorts, it's not hot enough. so i'm out buying shorts for my trip to mn. weird, huh?" then i asked them if they wanted me to bring them anything. "you know...just anything. like...something...from california?" i don't know what was going through my mind but i'm expecting the white coats to show up at my door pretty soon. my mother is the flinchy type, when i lived in iowa city she called the police there more than once to check if i had a drug or criminal record.

ah, i love my mom.

today i am attempting to read all of fauconnier's mappings in thought and language. he's a great writer, but my mind isn't fully in it and i keep wanting to doze off. i feel lazy and summery, wearing my new shorts and with orange toenails and all. this is the last week of my summer class and i've known for awhile that i wanted to continue taking classes into the fall while applying for grad programs. i was really nervous to talk to my boss about that though, when i talked to him last spring about taking this class i said "i will definitely be coming back full-time after the class ends." he's awesome and i didn't think he'd be mad or anything but something about changing your story after the fact...i just don't like it. so each day last week i told myself "talk to him today" and each day i just...didn't. until friday when this happened:

boss: amy, how's school going?
me: excellent, i love it.
boss: good. so have you signed up for more classes yet?
me: [that cartoony thing where the eyes bulge out & steam comes from the ears and a train whistle sounds]

no, not really...

me: umm...not yet but i think i would like to. i was actually going to talk to you about that.
boss: no problem, we'll catch up on monday.

so it seems like that will be okay, i am planning to take two classes at berkeley in the fall and work maybe 30h per week which seems rather crazy but as long as i'm taking my emotional refuge in academia i might as well really sink myself in, right? i still think the berkeley ph.d. program is going to be a loonnnggg shot but i'm trying not to think about that as much right now. i told someone recently when he asked WHY i want to pursue a ph.d. in linguistics, "mostly i want the thing i spend most of my time on to be something i'm passionate about. and programming isn't that for me, anymore."

oh, i got too into writing this and nearly burned my tofu corndog.
shut up, they're good!