it has been so long since i posted that neither blogger nor my blog itself are in my browser history. and i've been chastised for never blogging...by someone who writes in her blog on an average of 3.2 times per year. :)
so i blog.
i have half of a perfect grapefruit in a bowl next to me. cold, juicy, tart. clean, grapefruit is clean food. i was depressed for awhile. clean food helps, going to the gym helps, healthy body encourages healthy mind encourages healthy engagement with the world encourages healthy treatment of self; the circle feeds itself.
this past weekend i went to minnesota for my dad's 60th birthday. it was a surprise party, even the fact that i was there was a surprise. there was this great moment, he came into the house, i was around the corner in the kitchen so he couldn't see me. i heard him grumbling about how it was too much, he didn't want to be the center of attention. after a minute i came around the corner and when he saw me the surprise registered visibly, and he said "woah!" and came toward me and gave me a hug.
my father is not a hugger.
it was a good moment.
i did some talking about c with my family. nothing too deep, just talking about her job, about where she is from, things like that. it was significant in that this is the first time that i have brought a romantic relationship with a woman into the realm of my family. it's tough for my mom, everyone else seems easy with it. she tries though, on the last day she floored me when we were talking about christmas plans and she said "so, i don't know what your plans are...i don't know if you want to bring c home with you."
i need them to meet her because i am at the point of moving forward into a future with her.
last night the magnitude of that hit me when we were talking about the details of moving in together and she made reference to "combining all of our stuff". woah. all of my stuff merged in with someone else's, lives knitting together. awesome. awesome, in the sense of excellent. awesome, in the sense of daunting, inspiring respectful fear. i think a bit of respectful fear is a healthy reaction here. it says that i really mean it. and i do. it says that i have grown up.
in my late teens and early/mid twenties i lived with three men. well, two boys and a man. when you're in your twenties, moving in is a very easy decision. maybe you need cheaper rent and you like regular access to sex and you figure hey, why not. sounds fun. sure. it's a whole different process, now. space issues, we are each fairly set in our needs from home. how do we harmonize our rhythms? how will we split up the financial stuff? and perhaps the most difficult worry: whose bed will we keep?
anyway, i need to wrap this up and get to school.
when i reflect on things, i know that i have it so good. i have a wonderful family, wonderful friends. i make a living (it's barely a living, but a living nevertheless) by thinking about language, working on languages, which i fundamentally love, even when i lose sight of that fact for awhile. my relationship with c keeps getting better and better. and i'm eating a perfect grapefruit.
so you know. overall, things are pretty damn good.