strange days

it'll seem more like a song and less like it's math
if you pull on my hair and bite me like that...

the apartment is one of those long, narrow san francisco victorians, built circa 1900, divided into flats. he begins my tour at the back: a laundry/utility room. "i told you we have a lot of bikes." between him and his roommate there are six. this room, like the rest of the flat, is impeccably clean and freshly painted. further forward is the kitchen. in each room he describes the remodeling work he's done and he points out items of interest. he tells little stories. he obviously loves his home. the computer room with desks from the old office. the bathroom he retiled in hexagonal black and white. forward into the living room and i flop down in the L corner of the red couch but he says no come here, look at this.

flash back a few hours to the karaoke bar with a group of coworkers from the job i just quit. new guy was there, all was awkward and he left early. hot was there and flirting but i didn't take it seriously. by ones and twos everyone else peeled away until only hot and i were left, sitting by ourselves at the bar, ignoring everyone else anyway. we go outside and for a few minutes i'm sure my car has been stolen again until i see it further down the street. he shakes out a cigarette and lights it for me, laughs and says no way are you driving home.

then he does everything i've been wishing new guy would do. he says we're putting my bike in your trunk and going to my house. he uses his belt to macgyver the trunk closed. he drives and i babble, it's easy and comfortable. we get there and he circles looking for parking that isn't friday street cleaning. i realize dimly he means for me to stay and think oh well, i will sleep on his couch. why not. (i am not naive, it just never seemed like a very likely match.) we go inside.

back to the tour. forward is the closed door of his roommate's room. "she's really sweet and she sleeps through everything." i notice he's turning off lights behind him the whole way. into his room (soft two-tone blue with white crown molding, hardwood) and he dims the lights and takes off his jeans and gets into bed. "i'm sleeping here?" "yeah." i take off my jeans and get into bed. this is weird. i say "tell me a story" and he says "what is it with girls? they always want to hear stories." he tells me a story and then says "so you're in my bed...are you going to kiss me?"


some people deal with the uncertain space in a potential new relationship rationally and calmly. apparently the new me goes off and spends the night with other people. it doesn't really change anything; hot is not dating material for me and new guy is the one who said no definitions, no expectations, not yet. so today i talked to new guy (uh, not about this) and we are in agreement about what the next step should be, and i think for right now that is enough.