today i left not only my job, but my field as well. i used to be a programmer and now i am not. i'm something else. actually at the moment i am nothing! i think for awhile i will go around saying "yeah, i'm sorta between things right now." that'll be classy. it was a whirling day with lots to get done and lots of visits from everyone, some congratulatory and some sad. i am glad p wasn't there; it would have been a little too much. i left him a little offering and an email saying "i will miss you bunches."

crush was there, so the stress was interspersed with random instant messages from him: "i am having bad thoughts." it was zingy but also i didn't have a lot of attention to give it. i think he was waiting around a little at the end of the day to see if we would leave together but i had plans already. strange how everything shifts a little when you find out your crush has been crushing back, or maybe was crushing first; they start to be a little more mortal. there is clarity, there is honesty, there are the beginnings of trust. and an absolute lack of tortured longing. is this how it was supposed to work, all along?