fluid

tomorrow we're heading down the coast for a meeting, so today is our last day of fieldwork. i'm running the elicitation this afternoon and it's a little sad. i'll miss verdena. i'll even miss staying in this weird little house crammed with random stuff, old furniture and exercise equipment piled here and there. it's a little more chaotic than is my preference, but it's been a nice stay and i will remember it warmly. i don't know why i'm getting so sappy about it, i'll be back in august. it's just my nature, i guess.

while i was here i was able to zoom out and remember that there are sometimes bigger worries than whether i make the perfect amount of progress on whichever project is currently stressing me out. even just functioning in this world can be an exercise in letting go of control, of order. particularly i noticed this on the reservation. things happened when and how they were going to happen. people didn't make calls and schedules and set meetings. if we bumped into people on the street, verdena would stop and visit. but we didn't seek them out and they didn't seek us out.

now i feel calm and open. and like i will miss being here a little but where i really want to be now is home. and i will look forward to returning.

so while i didn't get as much done as i wanted, somehow this feels like the best of all possible outcomes.