now until forever

notes to self:

contempt for own work as a defense mechanism.
defense mechanisms in general.
parsing. parsing! ah, enough with the parsing.
nmh and chainsmoking.
playing guitar again.

***

i've just now returned from camping with my housemates and it was a comedy of errors. i swear they must have set out to find the most white trash campground possible; RVs plopped here and there around a dirt road loop behind sand dunes with cows wandering all over the place. my shoe got stuck in a muddy swamp and came off. my housemate m and i stood there trying to pull it out, i was simultaneously hating life and laughing so hard that my lungs hurt. my fault for wearing lowcut chuck taylors i guess, but it wasn't really camping, more like "camping".

i took a 20-minute shower and i still smell like a campfire.
i used shampoo and everything!

but it was fun, in a weird way, to cram our whole house in a tent. yes, seven people plus the dog in one tent. my roommate who owns the tent somehow failed to realize that usually tents have walls so she didn't warn us. hers just has the black meshy windows all around, you can't zip up the walls. when i was like "well no wonder it's cold, this tent has no walls!" she was like "some tents have walls?"

we made veggie burgers over the fire and drank red wine.