i used to crave intensity

i'm cramping hard and crushing hard
exhausted
and overwhelmed

i came home to take a nap before a school-related social event i have to be at tonight (after 3 hours' sleep last night) but ended up talking instead to someone very dear to me who wanted something quite a lot, and it didn't work out. a one-shot-only kind of thing.

i didn't know that i really love him until i found that i hurt for him, even though the way it turned out is better for me. i hurt for him even more because he won't hurt for himself. (and no, he is not my crush, when i say i love him i mean something deeper and unclassifiable)

and so i tried to tell him how amazing he is
and he said "i hope to god to disappoint you as little as possible."

i used to crave intensity.
now it makes me feel a little tired and small.