;alis f;alsna;sinaorafh

crikey, i almost forgot to post today.

today i realized that i have to write 40-50 (high quality, edited) pages in the next few weeks, and i got scared. it means i have to go back to the bad place, that place i went to right before nsf was due. strung out on caffeine numb brain bruised pissy snappish place. i don't like the bad place. noooooooo don't make me go to the bad place! noooooooooo! noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

school is corrosive.

okay this is inane, sorry, sorry. i had started writing something interesting about intelligence vs. understanding but i'm tired and it's not finished; maybe i will post it during a study break tomorrow.

i was very crabby all day.
i feel like i'm changing and i can't do anything about it.