since ithaca

since ithaca i've been living in the suburbs of depression.
so i don't really know what to say these days.

and i don't really know how to explain why i'm sad every night.
the days are better though.
this is the suburbs, after all.
we maintain.

today i was followed around after class by a strange spaced out homeless guy. i worked in a free community health clinic near campus for three years and got pretty used to strange homeless guys so normally this wouldn't bother me. but when i stopped suddenly and jaywalked he followed, he stood outside the coffee shop and watched me inside getting my coffee waiting for me to come out, and i didn't like that. i didn't like being scared to leave even though it was late morning telegraph avenue people everywhere and i knew i wasn't in any real danger but still it had a sinister feel. midmorning sinister. i didn't like that after that he tailed me to my car 10 feet behind me and then just stood there in the middle of the street watching me drop the keys getinfast lockthedoor. i resented his power but he only had whatever power i gave him. maybe i'm emitting some kind of crazy vibe because the world around me is in some kind of crazy disorder.

or maybe the crazy vibe belongs to the world itself, earthquakes, hail. locusts, horsemen. fucking dramaqueen exboyfriends.

i'm too sensitive, i know i know.
i don't really want to talk about it.

so i dunno what to say.
someone tell me what to say.