today in oakland it's sunny and 70. i went for a run around lake merritt and during the part in the arcade fire's "rebellion" where it gets all soary and inspiring, a flock of birds took off and flew over my head all around me and everywhere there was sun and people smiling and i thought...it is a pretty good thing to be me.

i somehow made it down to bls yesterday morning in time for minicrush's talk, even after the excesses of friday night. so 12 hours after being spun crazily around a noisy bar by hot, i was watching minicrush be all smart in the basement of dwinelle hall. he is sweet and understated and the complete opposite of hot (hot the noun, not hot the adjective). for some reason i didn't feel like going over to chat with him but i did get a charming little wink. i also introduced myself to several of the berkeley first years, and had lunch with one of them.

i wonder how i forgot for so long how awesome it is just to be alive in a world where there's sun and music and birds and dancing and linguistics conferences. a boyfriend or girlfriend would be nice but it's not necessary, and in fact it's probably best that i don't have one now as i try to figure out where i will be in the fall. i think i must be seeking the little thrills of that kind of connection without the possibility of a real relationship (i.e. hot is completely unsuitable, minicrush is leaving in march to travel around south america for two months).

right now my windows are all open (which sounds metaphorical but i meant it literally) and everything feels gentle and full of possibility.
i spent a day dreaming of dying in mesa, arizona
where all the green of life had turned to ash
and i felt i was on fire with the things i could have told you
i just assumed that you eventually would ask

and i wouldn’t have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat

--bright eyes