pointless observations, random thoughts

i'm in the middle of cleaning my house and i don't really like doing that too much but i require a fairly clean house if i am to be at all productive, so i clean. luckily i don't make too much of a mess so it's not that hard. i do have a lot of shoes by my door right now, ml says it looks like an asian person lives here. i just got in that habit when i dated her and it seems like a pretty good thing so i don't wear shoes inside.

i am also baking a bowl of apple crisp, i put dried cherries in it too. later i'll make tea and finish watching the movie i fell asleep in the middle of, last night.

i miss sex and have been thinking about that a lot today. the first guy i ever had sex with was also the first guy i loved (aww) and the first time i saw him naked i was all no way is that gonna fit in me. but it did of course, and all was well in the world for about a year. a couple of years ago we hooked up again when i was recently broken up with ml and already totally retarded over david. he's polyamorous now and has two girlfriends. he was a good first boyfriend and we lived together in minneapolis and i treated him like crap, i'm sad to say. i was just a kid playing grownup. i didn't know anything about anything, and i wish i could have done things better. but we're friends now, so you know. water. bridge.

i haven't had sex in a little while now, and i think it'll probably be a long time before i do again, for some reason. i miss it but i seem to be past the point where i have much interest in that with someone i don't trust or care about. i had my wild youth, wild enough anyway...it's intimacy i'm after now. i can make myself come quite satisfactorily, so sex really ought to be about more than that.

i hate it when people spell 'come' as 'cum'. i mean i get why but for me 'cum' is so much more down&dirty. and i am ALL for the down&dirty IF the mood is right. but it's like you don't want some guy to start talking to you about his cock and your cunt if you're not totally in the mood just then...it's just a turnoff if the timing is wrong. like the guys who try to radio-dial your nipples, you can't have too much too soon. if you ARE in the mood it can be very hot, but it's all about the mood and the attitude. i wouldn't start typing to you here about xxxxx xxxx and xxxxxxx because that wouldn't be hot, we aren't in the mood, it'd just be like ummm, what? 'cum' is like that for me. it can be sketchy. and why would you wanna be sketchy about something as purely great as the orgasm.

when i clean i play the pixies, usually doolittle, so doolittle is playing now. i still love the pixies. one time years ago david played that awesome johnny thunders song for me "you can't put your arms around a memory" and i was like...did he just say you can't put your arms around a manta ray? david said that's the danger of being weaned on the pixies...you think everything is about some ocean creature swimming by in the middle of the desert or some crazy thing.

so, your take-home points for the evening:
1. save the dirty talk for when the mood is hot
2. same for radio dialin'
3. you can't put your arms around a manta ray