i must contain multitudes

outside was a warm embrace when i left barrows today after section which was after an officehours meeting with my historical professor who has been impressed enough with his concurrent enrollment students (meaning me & summercrush) that he is going to drop people off the waitlist (they haven't been coming to class) and agree to grade our papers if necessary (the gsi's hours are held to an absolute limit of fifty students' worth of grading, apparently) so that we can take this course.

i'm bragging now and it's obnoxious, i'm aware. it's just that this is the professor who wrote me off this summer and i feel a flash of pride at proving wrong those who do not take me seriously. i'm a leo; it's my nature.

outside there was sun and it was warm warm, almost hot. the noon bells were just starting to ring and i said "i love the noon bells" and summercrush laughed and said that's a funny thing to call it. and he said "you look happy" and i said i am, i am i am! feeling life under control for the first time in a month. feeling the calm of knowing i am doing every every thing i can do right now, perfectly striving, cleanly striving.

today i articulated my master plan for the first time, and it terrified me.