al the vampire

it's so weird to be alone. and not even alone like not having a boy or girl here with me some nights, warming up the bed 'cause it's getting cold now. not like that, but just being so in myself. i sometimes think his name in my head, say it to myself with forced urgency that i don't even feel anymore, it's just out of habit. i catch myself doing it and think why? that's the past now. it's the first time in i think ten years that i've been this way. learning to stop saying the name of the last one and not replacing it with a new name. nobody on my horizon and that's how i want it. i mean everyone has to figure their own shit, and i think i need to be still for awhile, to wait for something more...transcendent.

speaking of transcendent. friend of mine once had sex with this guy. he started to go down on her & she was like wait, no, i have my period. and he's all...hey, that's great. i haven't told you this, but i'm a vampire. and well...you know etc. etc. and whatnot.

i think that's the best story EVER.

so when she called just now because some idiot fuckass from her past is sending her confusing signals which made me MAD then later after we talked all about that ("honey it's so much easier to not open that up now than it would be to close it later"...like talking to myself kinda) i made some jokes about al. said i wanted to meet him and she said she thought i saw him that one time and she said "he's the guy with..." and i interrupted, "pointy teeth? long black cape? doesn't show up in mirrors?"

i slay me.

but in all seriousness, i have to go to bed now, i'm feeling rather...drained.