must just be the weather

i've recently been back in touch with someone who was a close friend and then decided he didn't want to be friends. it's been a couple of years, he's since gotten married and moved to nyc, he's doing really well. i think there was some boy-girl stuff behind our falling out but he never really directly talked to me about it. and it made me think about how that stuff can really fuck up a friendship.

like with david and how we were best friends and we would just talk and laugh for hours and tell each other everything. and you can't ever get back to that place, once you go past it.

i've been over this ground before, stop. stop.

i am someone that people come back to. the guy from summer is doing the things i wanted him to do four months ago. i would have been really happy then, now i'm not sure. i suspect it may be a place i can't quite get back to, or that i can get back to but it can't be changed anymore, like a memory. but i am open to being proven wrong if he actually follows through.

the lesson is this: don't let go of what matters, thinking you can recapture it later. sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't. and what is there to be afraid of anyway...a little heartache? you will survive, and anyway, regret hurts a hell of a lot more.