selfcontained, part 1

i'll be all "you call that hpsg? my GRANDMOTHER can do better hpsg!"
--me, explaining to my fellow first-years how i will heckle presenters from other schools at LSA this year.


my roommate is one of those people who serially pins her heart and hope on one unavailable man after another, and disdains the sweet boys who actually like her. it happened again. after spending a night last week with the latest one she came home full of starry calm saying "i know exactly what i want now." with or without reason, she thought the guy was on the same page and so i was cautiously supportive.

other roommates told me this evening that she received an email from him. it said "thank you for the snugglefest, i hope that you felt honored and respected. i just have to be clear that i am still in love with my ex-girlfriend and with my current girlfriend, so blah blah blah."

if i could talk to her right now (she is not home) i would say okay first of all...snugglefest? honored? the sensitive guy thing is an easy target to overshoot, and your pal has gone all the way to girly-hippie-land, if you ask me. second, i know right now you are thinking "but i felt our cosmic connection and i know he felt it too, he's just confused." fine, maybe you're right, but for the sake of your own sanity you must take him at his word. let him go have his girlfriend-and-a-half, let them deal with the reality of trying to have any sort of decent relationship with a dude who just invited you to spend the night making out with him in his van. his HIPPIE van, i'm sure. and by the way, his name is BLAIR. even if you needed some guy or girl to complete you, which you do not, you certainly don't need *this* guy.

but actually i wouldn't say those things because there is something so sweet and a little on the edge about this girl. a little like a past version of me. amy v2.0, i think now i'm on the beta release of v8 or so. rather than frustrating, i find her turns heartbreaking. it makes me want to teach her to build a shell, but who says that's the better solution? lately i hide behind cynicism a little, you can't hurt me if i refuse to accept that you are sincere. i take my intensity in the form of theoretical exploration. like will said, a world of hermetic pretty things. it does have its advantages, like a happy lack of girly hippie men, for example.

this all makes me think of something else; i will return to this point later.