overextended

i finished all of my applications.
finished.
right this moment i hate everything.

of course i don't really hate everything. but i do feel a little crazy. like if anyone talks to me i might just spit in their eye. but wait a minute why isn't anybody talking to me DON'T THEY LOVE ME??

sometimes my leo nature really shows, doesn't it? prideful demanding of attention but only the right kind of attention, neutral and nonirritating and absolutely not requesting or expecting of anything from me right now. kerouac said "i had nothing to offer anyone but my own confusion". right now i have nothing to offer anyone but my own emptiness. come on, fill me up.

i suspect the chronic sleep deprivation plays a key role in all this.

***

and now there is only to wait.