it changes

i was at the gelato place with a when the h&h collective busted on the scene all showered post gym lookin' all healthy and my pasty bloated self was like 'yaarrrrhghghg'. all this school and all this work and never sleeping and always writing or working on something or avoiding work i should be doing and feeling guilty so numbing out with the television which i hate...it's not good for the healthiness. yaarrrrghghghghg. yesterday the first guy i ever had sex with sent me the nicest thing i've heard in forever, it was so nice and he called me beautiful in a super sweet way and i was like yaaarrggghghghhhghh. 'cause i'm really not feeling anywhere close to that half of the spectrum these days, i have to tell you.

i mean it doesn't matter what other people think right? i am a rock i am an island etc. etc. but sometimes i just want someone to tell me that i'm great.

no, fuck that, scratch that, people do tell me that, probably more than i earn. that's a statement designed to display my precious self pity. lame.
so what am i trying to say?

it's this:
i'm not in love with you anymore, you stupid fool. i'm finally not.

it's this:
it aches & that ache takes time but you'll go yours & i'll go mine.