he's like a fungus

email from david. special.

lately a lot of people have told me that i am not in touch with my dark side. or that i disown it. so here, this is me owning my dark side.

if i were to send a response (which i don't intend to), and if i weren't actually a decent human being (which i generally am until someone fucks with me remorselessly for years) and if i weren't dumb enough to actually still care about the guy, here's what my dark side would like to send back.


> "I know I cant really call you any more"

yep...but when has that ever stopped you before?

> "but hmm maybe email's ok once in a while?"

or maybe not.

> "It was nice to run into you"

nice. i do not think this word means what you think it means.

> "Funny that both times Ive been to the 12Galaxies I ran into you there."

do you mean funny-strange or funny-'yeah that's why i'm gonna avoid that place like i avoid fucking ikea from now on.'

or maybe you were expecting a trademark amy 'see it's fate we're soooooo totally supposed to be together' response?


> "Was it my imagination though or was your friend ("Bob"?) letting loose with a just a little bit of 'tude?"

try to imagine a world in which not everything is about you.

try harder.

> "I say this also cause I hope that wasnt rude to leave so quickly, but then again probably you were just relieved or something."

yep! even a broken clock is right twice a day.

> "Anyway as always I hope your classes are going well and all that."

ah, closing with the cursory shallow show of caring about my life. nice touch. next time you might wanna leave out the 'and all that' if you're really going for genuine, though.

> "So long,
> -d"

go prematurely ejaculate with your new pseudo-girlfriend while it lasts,

ps. try your "i've never been with anyone who made me wanna come so fucking bad before" line on her, it's a good one. lots of girls are stupid enough to believe that shit. lucky you.

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