unmoored

this will be my fifth night sleeping in this room and i haven't quite figured out who i am in this place. i say this and the voice of everything i have learned says "you are you anywhere anytime anyhow, you are you." and i say back "but if everything is fluid then the shape of me is a little different here and now and like this."

that is not what i meant.

dear reader, i am only a contrasting pattern of pixels on your screen. you are a whisper of electricity. you, like everything else, are mostly space. i mean, have you seen the model of an atom? how much space is in there? you are made of three trillion times that much space. if you could be compacted somehow into solid matter, i wonder how big you would be. a tiny hard little piece of corn, probably smaller even.

because you are so small i can tell you that sometimes i worry that this is all wrong choices piled on more wrong choices.

that is not what i meant either.

i just meant to say goodnight, internet.