what shouldn't happen

today i found out that a good friend's mother was killed in a car accident this weekend.

there's no way to make sense of something like that. but i wish i could see her and make her something to eat, and wrap her in a warm blanket. and i wish i could call my mom. i wish everyone in the world would call their moms and say i love you.

instead i have to sit here making sure people can buy their scions and lexuses.

if grief has to exist it should cut like a scalpel, clean sharp and deep. those kinds of wounds can heal.

see my friend didn't get along with her mom. there was some bad stuff there, they were pretty much estranged. my mom and i were like that for a couple of years and we were lucky enough to get through it. my friend won't get that chance.

the thing is...your mom is sort of the one person who isn't supposed to let you down. your mom is supposed to just love you and protect you. and think you're super awesome. and get really mad at anyone who says otherwise.

moms don't always do these things and that is confusing enough.
now we're supposed to be okay walking around knowing that they can just die?

i have contemplated my mom's mortality before and there's nothing okay about it.

i don't know i'm a little disjointed right now.