grab the sun & drink his blood in cups

the best kind of tired. dinner/bookstore last night, point reyes all day today, movie tonight. a parade of friends, lovely. at a dinner this week i met a 22 year old girl. just graduated from college and she's beautiful, beautiful. blonde blue midwestern and sincereley new agey in that way that only beautiful 22 year old girls can get away with. she says "i went to xxxxxxx and there was such a bad vibe there, i was like i have to get out of here...like right now!" well that lost something, not being able to type tone of voice, but imagine someone talking about sweat lodges and healing machines with tubes full of elemental gases, and how you get such amazing energy from it. now crank that image up a few notches. you've got this girl, all heart and art and freedom and a strange knowing naivete.

but she got me thinking about the power of being young and free and when she talked about being in portland with her sister and deciding to panhandle on the street to get tattoos i felt that pull inside me. that "time to go time to move time to be somewhere other than here". i've lived here for nine years this spring. nine! and yeah moved from town to town but still never out of bart range so it's not really the same as moving.

i would not want to go back to 22. i was so unhappy at 22. i have this sense that right now...my life now...this is the good part. maybe it's that i wish i'd gotten here sooner. i also don't want to leave the bay and i hope hope i don't have to. but there's something...a need to balance planning with spontaneous freedom. i don't want to be one of those flaky california people who can't make plans but i do want to be a little like water, the way it follows the geometry of a surface.

so today we followed the surface to pt. reyes and there we found rain and fog and elephant seals fighting and fucking and nursing their young. hiking and strange creatures and mushrooms with jewelly beads of water all over the top. vladimir the strange old czechoslovakian man with starched white shirt and red bowtie telling me to eat some sauerkraut soup, it's good for me. a quite respectable bowl of clam chowder (not at vladimir's). and a place to put thoughts and plans.

it was a great day.
now i have my parents' credit card number and orders to purchase a ticket to rome.

yeah i think this is the good part.