we keep quiet like they taught us

so yesterday in class this girl came in with this wide ribbon around her neck beauty pageant style. this girl...i hated her last semester. smart but so obnoxious contantly talking clicking pens hair in pigtails clattering her stupid strawberry shortcake lunchbox around like look at me, look at me, i'm so quirky. yeah quirky just like every other hot topic baby punk. always making these horrible mean comments about everything, i thought she probably had tourrette's syndrome or something.

but yesterday she had this ribbon and i couldn't read the whole thing but it was something like "i wish the embryo i aborted had..." and i was like oh god another one of those girls who had an abortion then decided that they're evil and i was getting mad 'cause like who the fuck are you, you hypocrite. at the same time taking a step outside myself and wondering why i was quite that pissed off.

i should back up and say that on the way into class i walk from telegraph avenue through sather gate there is a wide stretch of walkway where all the clubs and causes set up tables or just stand there handing out their propaganda, especially in these first weeks of a new semester. yesterday there were white satin ribbons hanging from many of the trees and i saw some signs around the trees about how each ribbon represents x number of abortions and i thought oh god it's pro-life day at cal, wtf. and i chose not to see it anymore.

anyway later in the class this girl turned more to the side and so i could read it said "i wish the embryo i aborted had gone towards stem cell research!" white satin ribbon. red marker.


i forgot to remember to wait judgment for all the facts. but still there was something strange. i was maybe not angry with her anymore but every time i looked at her for the rest of the class it literally made me shiver. and i think maybe i was a little bit jealously admiring the sheer fuck-you nerve it took to wear something like that around your neck all day, everybody looking at you, everybody knowing about it. and i wondered if she was scared.

and it's weird to know that you have this thing in common with someone you can't stand.
and it's weird to want to go sit next to her and say "me too".